First of all, congrats on the twins, the second time is easier emotionally than the first time (I am a parent of 4, 3 alive, one died in my arms after a genetic decease)
Twins are not about the emotional energy as much as it will be a matter of organization, of mutual support as a couple. And the emotional needs of your first born will increase, so, with the tone of voice of “Scar” in the Lion King: Be Prepared!
You mention “Having a child is a lot like running a marathon. An incredible challenge, but a worthwhile and transformative experience.”. Yes it is, we moved out of a self-center adulthood to find someone that we love more than ourselves. This is a good thing, it makes us better people; if couples love would be this way for both men and women, there will half or less of the divorces that there are today. Unfortunately, in today’s world, consider your kids lucky to have parents like you that are emotionally healthy enough to make the transition.
One thing I learned is that it is important to create good memories, happy memories. In the long run, that those help when they become teens, and you become failable. That is when we become Nanny MacPhee (when you need me but you don’t want me…).
And give it 3 or 4 years, you and your son will discover that are minority in the house in a very real sense. Girls might be daddy’s girl, but they will learn to read you as a person much faster than the boy, You know how your wife can sometimes complete your sentences? My daughter has been doing that since she was 5.
Thanks for putting into words what is so incredibly hard to say. I really enjoyed reading your take on parenthood and thank you for giving me a link I can share with my many friends without children the next time they give me the: “WTF?” look.
Also, congrats on what’s to come. Just having more than one is a whole new existence and you will have a bonus as well of TWO more. I remember Bill Cosby stating something like: Those of you with only one child never have the problem of “who did this?” You ALWAYS know. ;-}
A wonderful post on the joys of children. I have twins too, boys. Except, they were my first children. Going from no kids to 2 kids was quite a joy ride. Now, 6 years later, they have a younger brother and baby sister.
My Son completed his first year on October 2nd just gone. I’ve tried to explain parenting to my single friends like this,
“You are aware of the price you’re going to have to pay before you pay it, sleepless nights, constant worry, no personal time, etc . . . however the REALITY of the price you pay is staggering!
Constant exhaustion, literally ZERO time for yourself, high blood pressure form constant dread that they are ok, will be ok, still ok . . . still ok even now …”
I’m a dyed in the wool Athiest, and even I find myself praying - to the spirit and memory of my mother - to watch over and protect my little Son.
I feel not a shred of discomfort from the cognitive dissonance of this juxtaposition of beliefs, that’s what kids will do to you
Wow! Great post. Nothing like crying tears of joy for a complete stranger at your desk Monday morning… As the father of a 3 year old & 1 1/2 year old twins, it’s with the utmost sincerity I raise my hand and point, speaking in my best Nelson voice and say, “Ha ha!” The only advice I have is read this book. Beyond that, good luck, have fun, and try not to forget what you’re doing ain’t supposed to be easy and it very rarely will be.
Congratulations.
I really appreciated how you got the whole parenting experiencing condensed in a single post, from the dad point of view.
I have one 2.5 years old boy and next month another boy will increase our family size once again.
It’s nice to remember this amazing experience is shared by many others.
When my wife and I were making the decision to have a baby, I came to the conclusion that all parents are irresponsible. I just could not find a rational explanation for how anyone could consider themselves qualified or prepared to care for another human life, one that’s completely dependent on you.
Typical dude here, now a parent of three little ones. Formerly stoic, my eyes got misty when I read your post. The rewiring of a new parent is a fascinating thing.
I doubt that the choice to become a parent was nearly as hard as actually being a parent, because no matter how many friends and colleagues had kids, you almost certainly couldn’t have guessed how hard it would actually be when you made the choice.
A few days after my boy was born, I called my folks and said “Sorry, and thanks.”
I liken it to seeing the world in color. You can tell all your child-less monochromatic friends how wonderful and rich the blue sky and green grass are, but unable in their black-and-white world to even imagine what you’re talking about, they say “uh, sure, sounds nice”, shrug, and head off to the dance club.
Many congrats, and welcome to the singleton+twins club.
The comments from others about the first six months being hellish and then it getting easier are absolutely right. It really does get easier, and more fun.
I find the biggest relief in the madness, and something I remind my friends that are becoming “first time parents”; is that thankfully we grow into it together.
It would be a whole new level of madness if they came out of the womb ready to walk (like a lot of other mammals). I like to view it as easing into parenthood and having a bit of breathing room between milestones.
