On Parenthood

‘Californication’ nails the initial feelings of fatherhood for a first time dad.

"To my dear beautiful daughter,

I’m writing you a letter. That’s right, a good old fashioned letter. It’s a lost art, really. I have a confession to make. I didn’t like you very much at first. You were just this annoying little blob. You smelled nice, most of the time, but you didn’t seem to have much interest in me, which I of course found vaguely insulting. It was just you and your mom against the world. Funny how some things never change.

So I cruised along, doing my thing, acting the fool… Not really understanding how being a parent changes you. And I don’t remember the exact moment everything changed, I just know that it did. One minute I was impenetrable, nothing could touch me. The next, my heart was somehow beating outside my chest, exposed to the elements.

Loving you has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life. In fact, it’s been almost too much to bear. As your father, I made a silent vow to protect you from the world…"

Jeff, congratulations man! Maleah and I are having our first, a girl, in March and are so excited (and anxious)! The first year you had Henry, I remember every time I talked to you, you seemed less than excited about the whole experience. I know how you always cherished your “you” time, and I’m sure it wasn’t easy learning to share (i.e. give up) that time with another human, but it’s very refreshing to read this account of your seasoned take on parenthood ;). Looking forward to the twins’ tweets – do they have an account set up yet? heh

Economies of Scale do not apply when adding children to a family. By my reckoning, every 1 you add increases the workload by 100%. This was a hard lesson.

Thankfully, the reward was increased proportionately.

I had my twin girls 16 months ago, it was really hard entering the “father-experience” with two babies rather than one and I’m (you can include my wife) really tired! I’m just so tired, but incredibly thankful and inexplicably happy. Congrats Jeff, and welcome on-board.

@Stacy Conaway
You made my day.

Grats and good luck!

Really really great essay. Thank you.
I will keep this in my “encouragement” file.
“I had completely forgotten how unbelievably, inexplicably wonderful it is that any of us exist at all.”… Yes… yes… I have this feeling all the time when I’m with my son and we’re doing the most mundane task which is the most fascinating thing to him.

Congratulations on the twins - looks like you’ve subscribed to an event there (OnParenthood) - get it?

First of all; I have nearly 6 year old identical twin girls. I figure they are God getting even with my husband for every dirty thought he ever had about some other man’s identical twin daughters. Someone already mentioned it, but you and your wife should read Dr. Barbara Luke’s book, “When You’re Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads.” Nutrition is so different for twins; you have to get all of your weight on quickly, they’ll be early or there won’t be room left for food. I had my twins at 34 weeks and they were 5’6oz. Good luck to you both!

You thought one kid was terrifying? LOL!

I’m a father of identical twin girls who are 15 months old. You have no idea what you’re signing up for. It’s amazingly awesome, mind you – but stunningly hard.

The best gift you can get for your wife is a membership to your local Mothers of Multiples group. There are so many unique things about raising twins, it really helps to have the support network.

Excellent post, Jeff - I think you’re responsible for more than a few misty eyes out here. I’m the father of two boys, one has moved from Kansas City to California and I actually got to fly out and visit him last week. It’s amazing how fast they grow up…everybody says that, but soon you’ll realize it’s true.

And to think I came here to read about the death of Microsoft Visual SourceSafe! :slight_smile:

Awesome post that sums up the new parenting experience. Congrats on your twin girls, that’s a double-blessing (coming from a mom of twins - you’ll see, your first graphic truly applies x 2!). Enjoy the journey. As another parent of twins told me, the days are long but the years go by too fast!

Do you read JeffAtwood.com? I happened to stumble upon it today, and coincidentally he just wrote a post about parenthood. See here: https://jeffatwood.wordpress.com/2011/11/02/my-advice-to-dad%E2%80%99s-of-young-kids/

Back up those videos!

Congrats!

Now, that explains the horror part of this blog’s title.

You are attempting TWO BRANCHES in parallel! you brave!

:wink:

congratulations, and stock up on the red bull.

Congratulations!

It’s a really, really beautiful post, which I fully grasped only on the second read.

I loved this very moving post. Congratulations on the imminent arrival of twins in your life! I share your feelings: being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done too. I will say that it does get easier, but then it gets richer and more complex too.

I was blessed with one birth child. When he was born I was on cloud 9 and climbing. Then came the horrible truth that his father had kidnapped him. The pain was unbearable, I never thought a heart could hurt so much. We were reunited through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, within a year of my baptism, which in and of itself is a miracle! I also adopted another son when he was 5 days old…he truly was mine and I had such a great love for him, as well as for my firstborn. The first words out of my mouth when they placed him in my arms were “he’s so beautiful” and I was definitely a gonner. It was instant love, with nothing comparable to equate it to, other than the love I had for my firstborn. My boys are 20 years apart, which speaks to the slow healing loosing a child brings. I have never once regretted my decision to adopt my son, and the love I have for him is equally as deep and abiding as the love I have for my birth son. Congratulations on the impending birth of your twins…you will know what heaven on earth feels like with three!